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COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE
You have reached a time in your life when you are involved in or are contemplating a divorce. You may be feeling stressed and anxious about whether or not you want the divorce. If you have children, you are wondering about them. How will all of you move through this transition in a way that will keep an eye on the best interest of your family? In a way that will leave you and your spouse the desire to dance together at your child's wedding, graduation or bar/bat mitzvah?
Consider collaborative divorce. The essence of the collaborative process is the participants' shared belief that it is in the best interest of children and their families to resolve their differences without resorting to litigation.
We use a collaborative interdisciplinary team approach that integrates the legal, emotional and financial aspects of the divorce. Your collaborative team will be committed to engaging in informal discussions and conferences with you to resolve all issues. The collaborative team approach engenders creativity and minimizes the negative economic, social and emotional consequences on clients and their families that litigation can cause.
COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE COACH
Collaborative coaching provides you with an opportunity to define and implement a plan for your desired post-divorce relationship. As your collaborative divorce coach in a collaborative setting I will provide for you a broad range of support to help you move constructively through your divorce, bringing perspectives and skills that only a mental health professional can offer. I bring to you my special training and experience in communication skills, family dynamics, child development, and issues relating to healthy recovery from separation and divorce. An example of the range of services I provide might include:
- Help clients and partners to identify, clarify, and prioritize concerns;
- Help clients and partners to manage their emotions;
- Help clients and partners to articulate common ideals and aspirations;
- Help clients and partners to develop, reinforce, and make the best use of conflict resolution and effective communication skills;
- Help clients and partners with children to develop effective co-parenting skills;
- Help clients and partners with children to develop an effective, child-centered, parenting plan;
- Help clients work collaboratively with each other, their attorneys and other involved professionals to improve communication, reduce misunderstandings, solve problems, and reach resolution;
- Help and encourage clients and partners with children to remain mindful of the needs and best interests of their child(ren);
- Help clients to respect their self determination and to promote the understanding that ultimately they are responsible for making the decisions that resolve their issues;
- Help clients in their after-divorce adjustment to address specific divorce issues with 6 and 12 month follow ups, or more frequently if warranted. Please note that because you have hired me to be your divorce coach, although I will not be providing psychotherapy services to you, in accordance with the ethical standards of my profession, ethically I am barred from becoming a therapist for any member of your immediate family in the future even after your divorce is finalized.
Unlike psychotherapists, coaches are proactive. I will stay in regular contact with you during your divorce so that we might keep problems from becoming too big.
The collaborative process is based on the belief that families can get through divorce in a more emotionally healthy way when both members of the couple are able to interact and communicate with each other with respect, honesty, and mutual supportiveness. The communication and self-management skills that we work on together will be skills that you can use in your settlement discussions, and in your post-divorce co-parenting.
After working for years as a family law attorney and later as a psychotherapist for children whose families are divorcing or did divorce in the traditional litigious manner, I encourage you to call me to discuss collaborative divorce possibility first.
CHILD SPECIALIST
I am also available to work in your collaborative team as a child specialist (although I cannot be both a child specialist and a coach in the same case). As a child specialist I will focus on your children's needs in the separation and divorce process. I will bring to your team my training and experience in family systems, child development and the needs of your children during and after divorce. I will advocate for your children during the coaching process and will ensure that each child has a safe, private place in which to share feelings, express needs and ask questions. I will provide the “child's view” to your coaches on which to build the parenting plan. It is important at this time that your children have a safe place to talk, one in which they will not have to feel divided loyalty. The emotional needs and concerns of each child will be the topic of my work with your other collaborative team. Any parenting plans that result will contain the child's view and needs in addition to the parents'.
MEDIATION AND OTHER COLLABORATIVE LAW SETTINGS
Some people wonder if a collaborative coach can/should be used in other collaborative law settings (civil, business, probate matters) or in mediations of legal matters including divorce. The answer is yes. The range of services listed under the Collaborative Divorce Coach heading above transfers easily to non divorce collaborative and full mediation settings.
Please contact me to discuss your particular questions and together we will decide if this service will help you.
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